“Hoss the Dog:” Tireless Guardian of Parliamentary Procedure

One of the advantages in being a second-class citizen in the People’s Banana Republic of New Mexico (PBR-NM) is that I never run out of things to write about. In fact, all I have to do is get out of bed and read the front page of the Albuquerque Journal (known locally as either Pravda on the Rio Grande or as the “Official Newsletter of the Richardson for President Campaign Committee”). Consider, if you will, the following front page headline and lead paragraphs from today’s (August 29, 2007) issue.

Hoss The Dog Had Heard Enough:

Terrier Restores Order at Meeting

Maybe the conservancy district should give the gavel to Hoss.

 

The spirited, white and brown Jack Russell terrier restored order to a heated Middle Rio Grande Conservancy District meeting when he charged to the front of the room and barked at growled at bickering board members…

“Hoss” had accompanied his owner, Valencia County farmer Mike Mechenbier, to the above-mentioned meeting. Before continuing with the story, it will be necessary to explain exactly what the Middle Rio Grande Conservancy District is.

In theory, the Middle Rio Grande Conservancy District is supposed to manage a particularly valuable resource: water from the Rio Grande River that is used for irrigation of farmland. In actuality, the Conservancy District has proven to be a boon to the Albuquerque legal community since the board members spend most of their time suing the chairman who, in turn, sues the board members. It was when the Monday night meeting degenerated into a shouting match (or as the late, great Sheriff of Warren County Georgia, Rodgers Dye, once said “There was a vigorous discussion that resulted in the identification of several sons of bitches”) over who was responsible for a six-figure legal invoice that the great “Dog Day Evening” incident occurred.

According to eyewitnesses, after about a minute of shouting, name calling, and other forms of lively discussion “Hoss” had apparently grown tired of watching a pack of humans act like, well, no pun intended, a pack of wild dogs and responded by running down the aisle where he began barking and growling at the members of the commission. The end result of “Hoss’” display of vocal displeasure is best summed up by Journal reporter Juan-Carlos Rodriguez:

“Hoss’ protest effectively put an end to the loud scene, as most of the room could not help but laugh.”

Your humble correspondent has begun a “Hoss for Congress” campaign. I will keep you advised on how this true grass-roots movement is progressing.

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